Sunday, February 16, 2014

Exercising the imagination

Everyone knows, deep down, that when they signed up to the gym on 1st January, it would be short lived. People slowly stop turning up to the once-packed gym classes, like fish slipping through the net of a rather ambitious haul. Instructors look dismayed that only two people turned up to their last class and contemplate flyering on the street to attract some more customers.

However, I have managed to buck this trend, a surprise that has not only shocked my friends but also the voice of temptation that usually wins. The key to my success: deluded flirting.

Hear me out.

I know the gym is not the place to pick people up. The old tattered leggings that hardly see the light of day, the slightly stale trainers, the flushed cheeks and sweat patches seeping from the most unlikely and slightly worrying places, do not scream 'seductive temptress'.

But that is why I specifically typed 'deluded'. I know that I feel, and probably look like, something not far off a beached whale, which, despite not having eaten and is near to death, is still one of the largest mammals around. In my head though, I build up a scenario of Olympic sprinter, plodding along on the infinity track of my treadmill. I feel great - the endorphins are pumping around my body - and to make things better, a swarm of good looking men and instructors are parading around the gym.

They flex their muscles, sweat their stuff, and try and outwit each other with heavy weights, flashing their strength and masculinity for all to see. Although this peacocking is most definitely a cave man urge of hunter gatherer competition, if you interpret it as a fight for your affection, the gym doesn't seem so bad.

In fact, after half an hour of exercise I feel pretty good. I walk home and my boyfriend greets me at the door.

'How was the gym?'

I reply with enthusiasm, remarking what a great session it was, with a picture in my head of gladiators fighting over their princess.

'Oh good. By the way, you've got toothpaste on your top lip.'

I guess it doesn't hurt to have an overactive imagination.

I signed up to PureGym at the beginning of the year. It was £15 to sign up and is then £25.99 a month, which includes free gym classes, such as tabata, 'legs, bums and tums', and spinning. Staff are friendly and helpful. Inductions cost extra but can be another useful way to keep up attendance! Highly recommended.

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